Humble me, Lord.

Yes, you're getting two for the price of one today. To quote Sadie, what just happened to me is "one for the books." Recently I coordinated an event, complete with door prizes. I must say that we had some pretty cool stuff to give away, so you can imagine...there we were, dialing the digits of all the prize winners and announcing with gusto, "You're a winner!" After instructing all of the lucky ones to claim their prizes, I place said prizes in a box. I thought we'd make this as orderly as possible and just write on the card what the participant won so there would be no hemming and hawing over the stash.

I was called out of my cubbyhole/sardine can/playpen this afternoon to present a prize. When I made it to the front room where the box and eager prize-winner were I was told that two winners were now in queue. I give winner #1 his prize and ask winner #2 for her name. All I could think as she was saying her name was, "Please don't let it be the shoes, please don't let it be the shoes!"

It was the shoes.

She won shoes. And she had no legs. She was in a wheelchair and had no legs. And I gave her shoes because that's what the card said. I couldn't deftly switch the prize because we had already called these winners and told them what they would be claiming.

I got back to my desk and one of the workers from the front room had sent me text message before I had ever emerged from my cubby: "I hope she didn't win the shoes." Wow. Would have been nice had I gotten that message before I hoisted myself from my chair.

It was a very awkward moment for me, and I can only hope that I've learned something from this experience. And that the girl laughed her ass off as she rolled out of the building with her new shoes and thought, "Now that was freakin hilarious! Poor girl!"

What a croc.

That's the way the roll...well, rolls.

It would seem that Emailita has not been through Managing People 101...not that this would be breaking news to anyone. I will not claim to know everything there is to know about directing your peeps, but let me just throw this out there:

If you assign someone a task, let them do it. It's like when you were growing up and your mom said, "Hey...can you butter these rolls while I finish up the green beans?" Then she snatched the knife from your hand and buttered them herself because her way of buttering rolls was the only way to butter rolls properly so how could you be expected to do it right?!

So I will sit at my desk now, twiddling my thumbs, because Emailita has snatched the knife away. Hey...maybe I could fill the glasses with ice!

Yes, We Have No Permissions For You

Today we credit Chip O. Shoulder from the Intellectually Challenged department with frustrating the heck out of me. He called requesting that my department give three users in his department "access to a network folder". It sounded as though these users simply needed to be added to their department's group in Active Directory. Simple enough, right? When I called Chip and asked him if he had talked to Jerry Blueberry, who works in his department and normally handles such requests, Chip replied, "Well, I'm the person who normally requests access, so I don't understand why I need to talk to him."

Sensing some intra-office conflict, I decided to do Chip a favor and find out who might be able to help him with this request. When I called him back to explain that I was still trying to get to the bottom of it, he flew off the handle. "I'll just wait until Jerry gets back on Monday because clearly you don't want to grant the permissions for me since I'm not on your special list of people who can put in requests."

"No, Chip, it's not that you can't submit the request. I'm just trying to find out who else can help you with this request besides Jerry because normally he is the one who contacts us with requests. I don't think that our department maintains the folder or server to which you are trying to gain access," I reassuringly replied.

"Well that's not what you said at all. You said you couldn't help me with this because you have to talk to Jerry--he's the only person you will work with."

Sigh.

I went into "I want to tell you where to put your request but I'd like to keep my job in these uncertain economic times" mode. I politely said, "Chip, it sounds as though I have not communicated with you effectively enough and that you are very frustrated. Let me start over." I once again tried to explain to him that without understanding exactly what these people needed to access and where it was stored, I was going to have to dig a little deeper.

Those of you who have had to deal with these people who think you are utterly brain-dead and useless will be glad to know that upon further investigation it appears that he wanted to grant permissions for people to access a shared folder...on a machine that belongs to one of HIS coworkers, specifically Jerry Blueberry. This fills me with glee. I know...I am evil.

Yep, all's well that ends well.

Poo Poem

If your flush
gets in a rush,
and the poo
stays in the loo,
please be kind
and flush the damned thing again.

I Don't Wanna!

Warning: This is a BMW post. Wait...all of my posts are bitchin, moanin, & whinin. Nevermind. Read on.

So Emailita has informed Minionette and me last week that we (our group) will be writing a script. I won't go into the details of the 3-ring circus that said script has been, but I will point out that at no time in our meeting did Emailita assign anyone to this task. Today I get an e-mail with a link to an "award winning...video" from another institution. I also received a link on video script writing. Of course, there was plenty of other "blah, blah, blah" nonsense in the e-mail (which I skimmed right over), but this e-mail infuriates me for several reasons.

1. There are about 5 other projects that I'm currently working on. That fact, coupled with the constant barrage of meeting invitations, means that I don't particular have time to read up on someone else's effing "award winning" video.
2. At no time did I volunteer to do this...nor was I asked to do this. Is this her way of assigning tasks? And as soon as I start working on a task, she simply changes direction and wants something completely different. Why waste my time?!

She just sent me a meeting invitation about another project. I HATE MEETINGS WITH HER!!!!!!!!! Nothing gets accomplished at all. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

I think I may have to get sick after lunch.

Room to Breathe

Monday morning. I will tell you that my lungs felt like they were being put through a mammogram as I trekked up the steps to my weekday prison, but I've since gotten a grip and realized that the week is not going to be so bad. How am I coping, you ask?

1. I have learned that Emailita is going to be in meetings (ones that do not involve yours truly) all day most days this week. This means no face time and very little email.
2. I only have one meeting on the books this week. Unfortunately, that one is with Emaility, but I won't let it get me down.
3. Sadie has just admitted that she's not perfect; therefore, I feel less pressure to be flawless.
   
4. I have just penciled two lunch dates into my calendar this week so I can catch up on life.
5. Listmaking - Just finished my personal tasks list for the week, and it's not as bad as I thought. In fact, some of it might be a little fun.
6. Finally, I read my daily dose of positive thinking, which stated:

"To keep motivation going strong, begin at once the mental practice of seeing yourself as an altogether new individual--one who is always vital, vigorous, and excited."

Not completely sure I can be quite that chipper, but I'll try.

Restrooms - No Place for Nonconformity

Even the nonconformist knows when to follow the rules. Having just left the restroom totally grossed out, I feel compared to share some restroom rules:

1. Wash your hands. This is no news flash. You know you're supposed to do it...so just DO IT.
2. Don't talk on your cell while using the potty. Does your friend, mom, boyfriend, colleague, creditor, or whoever really want to hear the tinkle of your urine hitting the toilet water? I think not. If I am in the stall next to you, I will flush, Flush, FLUSH until you hang up.
3. Don't pee on the seat. If you can't hover neatly, then just park it on the germ-infested seat.
   
4. Wipe the counter with a paper towel if you spray water everywhere while washing your hands. Of course, those who refuse to wash their hands won't have to worry about this one either.
5. If you use a paper towel to open the door when exiting, don't drop it on the floor and pretend you didn't notice. Keep it in your hand and deposit in the next trash container you find.
6. Wash your hands. This rule bears repeating, especially to the young woman in the restroom today who exited the stall and practically ran for the door. She didn't seem the least bit embarrassed by her lack of personal hygiene.